Ever After

When I was single, I wished that I would meet my soul mate and fall madly in love.  I never really thought about what happen after that.  Does anybody know what happen after the fairy tales?

Loneliness

Loneliness is such a strong word.  According to dictionary.com, Lonely meant: unhappy as a result of being without the companionship of other.

It's strange that I feel lonely even though I have 7 siblings and live with my boyfriend.  I have the best boyfriend that any girl can ask for, but yet I am lonely.  I love my boyfriend and the thought of not having him around scares me.

As much as he loves me, I still feel that I am alone because I have no connection with my family.  It bothers me that I have 7 siblings, but yet I feel like an orphan.  I have better connection  and more things in common with a random stranger at the supermarket than my own family member.  I have always thought that blood run very thick and there is no bond stronger than family. 

Perhaps in my case, nurture is much stronger than nature.

Changes

Love is it a beautiful thing or is it the ugliest thing that can happen to a person?  I have been trying to figure out that question for almost ten years now and I don’t think I have come any closer to the conclusion. 

            At one time of my life I bought the idea that love is only an illusion that the foolish buy.  I was very young then.  I am not saying that I have changed my mind now that I am older.  However, that concept has made me who I am today. 

            I am scared.  I have no idea what it is that I am scared of, but I know that I am scared.  Most of the grays on my head were caused by this unknown fear.  I wish I can give you a scientific term to who I am.  I wish I can tell you that I am abnormal and there are only a handful of people like myself.  I also wish I can tell you that I am like everybody else.  Unfortunately, I don’t know how to label myself and I don’t know if I really fit into this world.  If I can find an answer to that question, I might be able to accept who I am.

            The sad part about me is I want to change very much but I don’t want to change because I can sincerely say I love the person that I am.  If I change I am not sure I can honestly say that I embrace myself and all the changes I chose to make are the right one.